Who Am I?
by kaede itsuki
Summary: Have you ever wondered what goes on in that cute head? This is a companion story from Ren's perspective.
1. Chapter 1

I came up with the title because throughout the manga Ren knows who he is, but is known as many different people. (For those who are fans you know what I'm talking about, for those who haven't read the series I won't ruin it for you with that particular spoiler)

Everything about Skip Beat (storyline, characters, etc.) is owned by Yoshiki Nakamura. All the events in my fanfic should follow the same order as the manga.

So here it is Ren's story…

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Everything starts with a beginning, the same old routine of waking up in the morning as one person and going through the motions of the day as another. Every celebrity knows that this is how it has to be. In order for the job to go unaffected by personal emotions, one must create a separate persona. Whether that persona is an extension of your true self or someone you wish to be is up to you to decide. Looking in the mirror is Ren Tsuruga, Japan's #1 male idol, but even with the amount of "love" and respect that accompanies that title, emptiness is still the underlying feeling that I know. Running a hand over my hair, I thought of the fans for which I was grateful for and the roles I was continually being offered, but it still didn't feel like enough. I can't even think of the reason for the emptiness. *ring* "Yashiro-san…yes, I'm up, I'll pick you up in an hour." These thoughts would just have to wait; after all I was one of the fortunate few who really loved what they were doing. It wasn't for the money, favors, or connections that I loved it…it was a job that I had always wanted to do, in fact a dream that I was able to make into a reality, and the satisfaction of knowing a job well done at the end of the day.

**One hour later**

Looking over at my personal manager, I realized why we got along so well. Yukihito Yashiro, probably the only person I could ever accept as my manager now, was a quirky yet responsible sort of person. I had watched Yashiro take out a completely different phone than the one he was using yesterday to check in with the office. _Honestly, the man must be an alien; his uncanny inability to touch any electronic device for more than 10 seconds without reducing it to an empty shell was unreal. _We were making really good time as we were already 30 minutes ahead of schedule, but for some reason I couldn't shake this uneasy feeling of change.

_Is Yashiro still upstairs? I thought we would be out of here by now. And what's with all this noise so early in the morning? Isn't that Sawara-san? He's usually a mild-mannered man, what could be going on that he could be in such a huff? A girl? He's arguing with a girl? I suppose I should go over and help him out if the situation changes. _As I got nearer, I was able to pick up more of their conversation and it seemed that the girl wanted to get into show business. After taking a closer look at her, she seemed to be a little more natural than the fluffed up girls that usually walked through LME's doors, but that didn't work entirely against her. _In fact, I prefer women who are more comfortable in their own beauty rather than a painted mask. But this one seems to be a star chaser.__ She doesn't show any interest or enthusiasm for the industry except for who she hopes to meet. These types of people will never make it in this business, but she does have guts to state her true intentions out loud. She'll soon give up for sure since her feelings are so weak, plus no one would ever be able to take a girl with those kinds of reasons seriously….Pfft..she doesn't even notice Sawara-san and I are carrying her outside. It should be about time for my meeting, I'll probably meet up with Yashiro-san at the door. _

**Later that Day**

It seemed that the entire day, I couldn't think of anything else, but her. That weirdly determined girl that knelt in front of LME the entire day. After returning to the office, the frequent topic of conversation was about her. From what I gathered, she knelt in the same spot without moving an inch from the moment Sawara-san and I brought her out to sunset. Then with a quiet exit she vanished.

**4 days later**

_It's already past two in the afternoon and I haven't even gone through half of the things on my schedule. I really have to hand it to Yashiro-san, when you tell him to keep you busy, he really keeps you busy. Oof…that girl from before? Why in the world is she here and…what's this?_ "The new-comer casting? I see so Sawara-san gave in after all." _What in the world is that man thinking? We're not in some desperate need for new talent that we would need to even consider a girl like her. _*sigh* "Wh..what's with this 'why stress yourself, in the end, she won't pass and she'll regret it' sigh?" _Huh? That's weird I know I made my annoyance apparent, but she just said the exact same words I was thinking in my head._

That girl is even more interesting than I originally thought. I couldn't even imagine that her reason for joining the industry wasn't to chase a star but to take revenge on him. What was his name again? Sho Fuwa? Apparently he's a rising and talented musician in the Akatoki Agency, and from my sources he has an attitude that says 'I've always belonged in the spotlight' to match. Pshh…I've never much cared for people like him. Now back to my present musings, that girl's reasons and feelings for joining the industry is still too shallow for me to accept. I already learned long ago that it doesn't matter how strong your determination may be, a lack of discipline for your craft will throw you into a pile of already-forgotten actors and actresses. If she were ever allowed to enter the industry she will be one of many hopefuls who will always wait to make their debut, one of the many overlooked for parts, and one who will always be forced into the background. But enough about her for now, if I don't sleep soon I'll receive a lot of grief from Yashiro tomorrow. Besides, I can always find out what happened to her at the new talent audition another time.

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I hope you enjoyed this first chapter on Ren. I think his and Kyoko's characters go through the most transformation throughout the series and I wanted to portray Ren as the stiff person he appeared to be when we as readers were first introduced to him.

Also please forgive the constant change in scenery; it's just fast-paced for now since that's how the manga started trying to acquaint us with all the characters. You may have guessed by now that any words that are _italicized_ are Ren's most private thoughts when he's around other people. While all of the words in normal text are in a way a sort of narration and those thoughts which aren't kept under lock and key.

Please review because I won't be able to improve if I don't hear your comments. Oh an only constructive criticism please, I really want to hear your opinions. Also, any form of cheering helps, too! =)

Thanks for reading!

~Kaede Itsuki~


	2. Chapter 2

That man…what in the world is the President thinking? He is starting another one of his projects again. Lory Takarada is the President of LME, whose ability to spot talent can only be matched by his enormous heart and eccentricity. In fact I'm pretty sure that if you looked up 'eccentric' in the dictionary, you'd find his smiling face right next to it. But to actually do something so ridiculous as to start up a new section in the agency so that _she_ could have a second chance is pushing it. It's been four days since the new member casting and to give a girl such as that a way of entering this agency is absurd. There must be a reason to his madness but I can't accept her impure feelings to enter show business. Sawara-san was able to guess the reason earlier for my pointed distaste for the girl. That could only mean that I need to make more of an effort on keeping my personal feelings in check. Although, he says it's obvious due to my attitude towards the business, it's unacceptable that he was able to read even that. The persona I have kept so hard to maintain cannot and will not be broken by the willful intrusion of the opposite sex.

Ah finally Yashiro-san has arrived…Kimiko Kamio huh? Another overly stuffed diva that has no respect for other people's times other than their own. And here she is now, strolling in as if the entire world revolved around her. I'm already a little frustrated so Yashiro should be able to begrudge me a little fun. A little reprimand wouldn't be completely uncalled for right? Wait…isn't there something missing in this picture? That's right her luggage…hmm?

_Well, well, well, what do we have here? That girl from before actually returned and she has already started on her duties. I can't believe I will actually be forced to call her a colleague._ She seems confused somehow;_ I wonder if anything has been explained to her. Hmm…it wouldn't hurt to press a few buttons, right? After all the saying does go that misery loves company and since it seems that my day has already started pretty badly, I can poke a stick in a few sore areas_. However, I will always remain the gentleman and help her a little. So I guess I'll do her a favor by explaining the new section and her job to her, as well as teaching her a lesson at the same time. _I really should act like a perfect gentleman…but heh…a little mischief shouldn't hurt and she'll thank me for my generosity later…_

**Later in Ren's Apartment**

It's been another tiring day, but one could call it a little more interesting that previous ones. I finally met that guy, Sho Fuwa, in person. While I may not have been particularly interested in learning more about him aside from the polite inquiry; I must say the attitude I met with today confirms the reason for _her_ attitude towards that man. Everything my sources said about him was confirmed by his rudeness. I was able to tell what his personality was like for the brief time we were in contact. While I may have called him young and spirited in front of Yashiro-san, in reality my earlier assessment of him as another narcissistic, arrogant punk who has let fame and fortune go to his head was spot on. And so the legacy he is building for himself will be overshadowed by scandal and his place at the top of the music charts will be taken by any somewhat decent musician.

That look he gave me when our eyes met told me that he considered me his rival, however I have no interest in someone who would resort to petty behavior. No matter what the situation may be, an actor must always preserve their public image; and I corrected the little punk with a gentle smile. He's just another guy joining the long line of other guys aiming for the top spot in the industry. The top spot in the industry, huh? My current position? It doesn't really interest me….I'm only interested in improving my craft. I mean after all, the measurement of my achievement isn't against anyone in the current industry, but rather the ghosts of the great actors of the past. My goal is still out of reach and I need to push the boundaries of the roles I accept and my capabilities to correctly portray each character. Heh…listening to how I am now can only correctly describe that lie I fed Yashiro-san. In actuality his description of how I was in the beginning of my career is pretty accurate and my current mature self is the answer to my earlier rebellion. My role as showbiz's ultimate gentleman is probably the only thing that kept me from being provoked by that egotistic Sho Fuwa. Still….is his behavior really so bad that it can push a person to revenge? What in the world am I doing? Why am I thinking about _her_ again?

**Ring Doh Movie Set**

Are there really only a handful of actors who are serious about their responsibilities nowadays? How much longer will I have to wait for another self-important actress? It's been about 2 hours since she was supposed to arrive on set and yet instead of filming I'm taking a walk to clear my mind. I can't complain….I have always enjoyed the outdoors and it has always had a calming effect on me. Huh? I've never seen a bright pink rock before. Wait, bright pink rock? That eye-piercing color has only been seen on the new Love Me Section at LME. This can only mean that.._Pfft…what in the world is she doing? She looks like a caterpillar? No a turtle trying desperately to escape from a predator._ But, her ankle seems a bit twisted and she doesn't seem to be moving very much. I guess I better check it out then. *sigh* I don't think she'll be able to walk normally for a while. Well there's no way out of it; I'll just have to carry her.

_What's with this girl? Aren't I doing her a favor by carrying her? It's not like I'm particularly obligated to help her and I really wish she'd stop squirming around so much. I mean what is this rude assertion she's accusing me of, of having an ulterior motive? I don't particularly care, but how does she see me as?_ _A wolf in sheep's clothing? _"I just don't want to owe you a favor!" _Hmph...since she puts it that way, I won't force my company upon her any longer. But I really can't leave an injured woman alone after all so I'll ask Yashiro-san to check up on her later._

It seems that while I was gone, Ruriko-san arrived on set. She has certainly been trying to make her presence known to me, but no matter what the request, or who made the request, I will not recant my principles. The girl is a newcomer and a diva; it serves her right to be put in place. Everyone caters to her inexcusable behavior way too much and hopefully the President's plan will show her that it will no longer be tolerated.

About a week ago, the President called me into his office and asked me for a favor. "Ren, I need yours and Director Shinkai's help with something. Do you know Ruriko Matsunai?" I had indicated that I did and pointed out to him that we were acting opposite of each other in Director Shinkai's upcoming movie, Ring Doh. I had heard her name around the office. Matsunai-san was a talento from LME's Artists Section who was making her movie debut on Ring Doh. "Ren, *ahem* Ren, I know you demand perfection from yourself and others, so can you please pay attention? I need you and Director Shinkai to create a situation that will force Matsunai-san to take her professional duties seriously. Her work ethic and attitude has really declined since her music debut and she doesn't seem to be interested in anything other than herself. Oh and Ren please refer to Matsuani-san as Ruriko-san. In order for her to agree, we sort of told her that you specifically asked for her as your partner." I remember rolling my eyes at the time and thinking that this was going to be a very long movie. Unfortunately, everything I predicted came true.

Ruriko-san's acting is definitely not something to be desired. It seems the only reason she was chosen for this part was so that she could make her acting debut and fix her attitude simultaneously. *sigh* it's going to be one of those days. _It seems I've been having 'one of those days' scenarios pretty frequently lately. _Ruriko-san can't even do something as simple as walk in her kimono correctly. It's obvious that she didn't study her character well, if even at all. Thank God I'm not acting in this scene with her, or I'd probably let my gentlemanly mask slip and ruin the President's plan. She can't see pass her own mistakes and gives excuse after excuse as to why she can't perform her duties correctly. She's actually being disrespectful to Director Shinkai who's been more than patient with her. Seriously if it weren't for the President's orders, she would have already gotten a pink slip.

"Stand with your back straight up, tuck in your chin slightly. The alignment of the body must be centered from head to toe." Director Shinkai's instructions aren't hard; he's correct in asking for the very best in his actors. To authenticate the aura of a rich young lady's conduct, one must be able to walk and act in the same regal manner.

Hmm...th..this girl…this newbie actress who joined showbiz for revenge…is she following his orders unconsciously? Her posture is exactly that of what the director has described.

**2 Hours Later**

Director Shinkai must be out of his mind. He's actually allowing two actresses to compete for the female lead during filming. Both of us are the President's accomplices to help change Ruriko-san's willful, selfish, and unreasonable personality; and even then his answer was 'meh' as if he was some child. The biggest surprise of the entire day seems to be that girl's appearance. Who would've thought that she would've completely transformed into a being that is beyond even my imagination. Simply put, she looked beautiful. Her reaction to the use of makeup on her was so amusing since she seemed extremely happy. I mean what kind of life could she have been living until now? Revenge? The feeling of bliss overtaking you because of a little makeup? She really is a strange girl.

During her take, she walked normally as if her ankle wasn't hurting. Her posture, bow, and aura were exactly what a rich young lady's ought to be. *CUT* I don't understand what just happened, but that girl actually acted like a professional actress. If it weren't for her shallow reason, I would gladly call her 'colleague' *sigh* but I better take a look at that ankle of hers again. She applied equal pressure on her left foot in order to walk….honestly that sprain may turn into a fracture if she's not careful.

The set-up for the next scene is going to take a little while since we're changing to an outside location. I really don't know what to think of her. Kyoko Mogami-san, once I form an opinion of her personality, she switches everything around and surprises me. The look she gave me after I told her that the next scene would require her to be in a kneeling position from beginning to end said she wouldn't quit and she would endure it. Just what kind of person is she exactly?

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Thanks for reading chapter 2 of Who Am I. Please continue to review so that I in turn may continue to improve.

~Kaede Itsuki~


	3. Chapter 3

Thank you so much for all of your support! I truly appreciate your comments. =)

I hope you all enjoy Chapter 3.

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This day would have been perfect if I weren't currently in the position that I'm in. Matsunai-san, I mean Ruriko-san…_I better watch myself and remember that I'm supposed to fake an eager familiarity with the girl…_is a complete failure as an actress, no as a professional. Her ability in the tea ceremony she's acting out can be granted as fair, but…" Don't stare at Ren until you forget yourself." And this is what I was waiting for. Rurko-san had been staring at me for what seemed like hours without a single line coming out of her mouth. I mean I'm grateful that my looks have helped improve my standing in the industry, but I'm not a painting in a museum. Heh…I wonder if this is what fish feel like in their tanks. Anyway, I would gladly give her more than half of my attention if she were just a bit serious. Ah, so it's going Mogami-san's turn now…

I don't understand what's going on in the head of this woman. She really is stupid for getting into a fight with Ruriko-san earlier and now she's actually going take part in this contest. I can only bow to her perseverance, but as things stand her actions from earlier will only end in failure. The position she's currently in shouts out her pain. There's no way she'll be able to act out the part correctly…*SNAP*…ah? He…her expression is serene…and her smile…beautiful and gentle, as if her swollen ankle were only a slight discomfort. Actually, rather than slight, it's as if it were just a figment of her imagination. Well this is certainly interesting. I haven't met another actress with this kind of attitude in quite some time. I wonder how far I can push her abilities and test what sort of courage she has hidden inside.

**Host Hotel for the Cast **

As I got older, I learned that a single glass of scotch on the rocks would help me relax and reflect on events that I initially pushed away. Her face was paler than any color I had ever seen, yet she continued to kneel perfectly still, perfectly graceful as cold sweat formed on her small face. I didn't mean to push her to that extent, but I, too was caught up in my character. Her determination provoked me to act seriously alongside her. But those haunting words she muttered in reply to the Director's request to stop acting still ring clearly in my mind. "No…I…until the end…I…absolutely will not leave this spot…The guest…is still…still here…" She referred to me as the 'guest' and the moment I left the mat she fainted into the Director's arms. Why would she push herself so hard for a business she got into for revenge? Why would she even get hurt for it? There's no doubt in my mind that she lost herself during her acting. It's happened to me plenty of times. And it might not have been for the character written on the script, but it was a character she had chosen to play. What could…" Look! Is that Ren? It's Ren! That person is definitely Ren! Really? In person? Wanna go talk to him? Yeah? Why is he here? He's by himself! If we wanna grab a hold of him, it's now! Let's go say hi to him! Wait, I'm not mentally prepared yet!" _No way…it's so dark in here, how did they figure out who I was? *sigh* I guess that means my time here is up…I better go find Yashiro-san._

I know he mentioned something about peeking in on Mogami-san's photo shoot. Now where in the world did they set up? Ah…there he is," Ren, could I ask something of you?" _Director Shinkai? I wonder what he needs_. *sigh*_ It seems I will be continually pushed into her company for the time being. At least Yashiro-san is here with me so that I don't have to oblige with polite conversation. _*soft thump*

**Ren's Room**

She seems to be a mystery I can never hope to unravel. The distinctness in her character is so far apart from each other, that one cannot guess what she will do or say next. She was so plainly defiant to my company and then in a singular moment she was a frail creature that I felt the need to protect. Her face earlier…no her eyes…were withdrawn and empty as if no one was inside. There was no light or soul behind the clear amber glass, and her expression was so sad. That strange expression on her face….why does it feel familiar? Was it really sadness? Perhaps loneliness? Or…Sst…what is that tightening in my stomach? How annoying…am I hungry? No, it can't be, I'm never really hungry.

**Next Day**

Another night has passed, and yet my thoughts were filled with her. Every encounter I have makes me feel like I've taken one step forward and two steps back. Usually I'm able to pinpoint a person's personality fairly quickly, but, she's a really weird girl.

_Hmph…and as if on cue the person of my musings has just entered into my line of sight. Thank goodness Yashiro-san inquired about her health before I had to…eh?_ "Both of you were mistaken! That was because of the tea ceremony which reminded me of a man whom I hate to the core!" _What? Is she serious? _"A man whom you hate to the core…is the one whom you mentioned the last time…that guy…oh…in other words, it is for revenge that you've worked so hard. Like this time too…the endless effort during the acting competition right?" _Will she admit to it?_ "That's right_!" I can't believe this woman! While I do admire her perseverance, I can't agree with her motive. I can't believe I sympathized with her after I saw the look on her face. I protected her from that nosy reporter from 'Boots" and still the most outrageous answer was the correct one. I guess any further worry that may have been entertained can now rest in the assurance that her strength is formed for a purely superficial reason. Oh yes! I mustn't forget to reward her for her hard work._ "The reason why Ruriko-chan has become so serious in her acting is all thanks to you. As someone who is acting together with her, I should also express my gratitude towards you…If possible, please let me show a little thankfulness." (-10 points Totally Cannot Make It!)

*sigh* Well it's not an entire loss I guess...I should just admit it to myself that it's fun messing with her. Her reactions are just way too funny and her naiveté just makes everything even funnier. I have just found my new favorite toy…

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Thanks for reading! Please continue to review and provide constructive criticism. I also wanted to let you all know that half of the next chapter will be entirely of my own creation as Ren is actually absent from the second half of Volume 4. (I know I was sad, too. Even a little peek would have satisfied my eye candy craving.) ; )

In future chapters, please provide scenarios or jobs you would like to see Ren do outside of Nakamura-sensei's manga arc. Thanks!

~Kaede Itsuki~


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